GETTING OVER A BREAKUP
Written by Sylvia Buet
Created: 23 September 2013
BLOG: TIPS ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH A BREAKUP
The problem when we cannot get over someone is normally related to your levels of desire and hope about reconciling with your ex.
Desire of reconciliation after a breakup is normally fuelled by behaviours which attempt to maintain closeness with the former partner. For example, you may be checking his Facebook activity, trying to be a good friend by offering the best of you to that person, etc.
When this is done, it's normal for the other person to respond in a positive manner e.g. by complimenting you, appreciating your effects, etc. In turn, you may interpret those positive signals as evidence he or she is interested in resuming the relationship with you, when this is just a neutral signal.
Mixed signals are quite confusing. However, most people would not request further information for fear of receiving a painful or embarrassing answer from the other person.
Not clarifying mixed signals perpetuates your interest in that person.
If you want to get over someone you have liked or loved for a long time, make sure you don't go the extra mile by trying to please him, being up-to-date with everything going on in his life, maintaining contact. The less contact you have with your ex, the better. If contact is necessary, then you should always attempt to clarify any mixed signals he or she gives you to understand the real meaning behind his or her behaviours.
I hope this provides some guidance to those who don't know where to start when they feel stuck and cannot get over someone for a long time.
I am a Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist specialised in relationship breakup, divorce and separation. I am currently writing my PhD on this topic and I offer CBT counselling and online therapy to help people move on or let go after relationship dissolution.
You can use the 30-minute free session to discuss with us your counselling needs. We are here to help.